


.pieces of this crumbling heart.

by EllaYuki



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 16:51:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8110087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllaYuki/pseuds/EllaYuki
Summary: Kanda is dead, Lavi is missing, Allen is gone. Slowly, piece by piece, Lenalee's world is crumbling.





	

**Author's Note:**

> DGM Fic, Lenalee POV, Lenalee Centric.
> 
> Vaguely implied Allena. And even more vaguely implied Kanlena and Lavilena. If you squint.
> 
> Spoilers for the very end of the Alma Karma arc and onwards (though it’s been covered by Hallow already. Better safe than sorry), so basically, volumes 22 and 23.

There are days when she wakes up crying and falls asleep crying. She tries to hide it from her brother and other prying eyes. She can’t stand the pitying looks she gets.

Kanda is dead, Lavi is missing, Allen is gone. Her world is shrinking before her very eyes and she can’t do anything to stop it. She tries, but…

~

When she hears about Kanda, she feels the ground fall beneath her feet. He’s always been there, always been such a pillar in her life… she’s never really thought he’d be gone one day. Exorcists die, but somehow, Lenalee never thought Kanda would, not with everything he’ survived.

Then she hears Lavi and Bookman went missing. And she feels like the breath got knocked right out of her. They’ve only been with the Order three years, trying (Bookman especially) to remain objective and aloof. She never imagined a day where Lavi’s mischievous smile wouldn’t be there anymore.

And then, only days later, horrible days in which not only has Allen been kept in custody, but she couldn’t even visit him (and honestly, she’s a damn Exorcist, how dare they deny her from seeing her friend?), the Noah and the Thirds attack HQ and Allen is officially branded a Noah and an enemy.

Her heart stops (the world stops) the moment the announcement comes. And she doesn’t realize she’s running until she’s outside.

When she finally finds him, her heart has started beating again, pounding so hard she thinks it might just burst out of her chest. He’s still here, though he has an Ark gate open. She can feel icy tendrils wrap around and squeezing at her heart.

He can’t leave, she tells him. Doesn’t he know that they’ll have to fight in the future if he leaves now? But Allen is so damnably Allen, with his gentle smile and his reassuring warmth (though the hug where he’d usually take her hand is unexpected and throws her off, heat crawling up her neck).

He hugs her and they fall to their knees and it’s just as well because not even her Dark Boots could keep her standing in this awful moment. She’s losing yet another important part of her world, a smile on his face, words of comfort and love and hope on his tongue, and there is nothing she can do about it. She can’t stop the tears from falling. She can’t stop the last desperate cry of his name as the Ark vanishes.

And she hates it. She hates how helpless and powerless she feels, hates it that she didn’t have the strength (mental or emotional) to support him in any way. She hates it so much that she feels like she chose that damn Order over him.

~

Later, when Marie finds her, still kneeling in that spot, her legs and her heart feel like they did back in Japan, back in China.

~

Three months later, Kanda comes back from the dead and hope flares in Lenalee’s chest.

Because if Kanda can come back to life, then they can find and save Lavi, and they can get Allen back and maybe, just maybe… maybe the world will be whole again and she won’t have to lie to her brother (or anyone) anymore.

Maybe then they’ll all be able to be even just a little bit happy again.


End file.
